Fola Unfiltered.

I wrote a piece once about mistakes and the long, winding journey to forgiving myself. It was tough—harder than anything I’ve done before—but I began that journey. You know how grueling it was for me to stop hating myself. It took ages to accept who I was, and even more to start loving that person.

But here I am, back at square one. I’ve relapsed. I’ve fallen back into that deep, dark hole I fought so hard to climb out of. And you know what I’ve learned? No matter how kind you are (and trust me, I’m not claiming to be the kindest), life has a way of messing with you. Sometimes, life just says, “Screw you.”

Honestly, screw life.

When I started writing this, I was in a really dark place. I saw a knife and, for the first time in my 22 years of life, I didn’t think about cutting onions. I look back now and think, how could I have been so stupid? How could I even consider hurting myself over something so… trivial? But grief does that to you. It warps your mind, makes the unthinkable seem logical.

What I really want to do right now is take a trip. Somewhere with beaches, summer trees, and a breeze that, as my friend put it, can blow some sense into my head. Because, let’s face it, I must’ve lost my mind somewhere along the way.

I know my readers are probably wondering what the heck I’m talking about, but it’s this intense self-hatred. It’s knowing I couldn’t control a situation that was beyond my grasp, and yet, still feeling like it’s all my fault.

This phase of my life has been an eye-opener. It’s shown me who’s truly there for me and who isn’t. It’s taught me not to beat myself up over things I can’t control—though I’m still wrestling with the idea that something out of my control could be my fault.

For the past two months, I’ve been obsessing over articles and conspiracy theories about time travel. Yep, I wanted to build a time machine. I thought if I could just go back two years, I could undo everything. And guess what? I did it. I was successful, I created a Time Machine🙂‍↕️🌚, But then I realized—rewriting the entire timeline would mean losing things I never want to change. There are experiences, no matter how painful, that I need to go through.

When terrible things happen, it feels like the world is ending. I’ve been there—it felt like the end for me too. But the world didn’t end. I keep waking up every morning, living through my mistakes. Imagine being stuck in that loop, never moving forward because you’re too busy living in the past. But you know what? You can accept your mistakes, move on, and learn how to be better.

I want to be better. I want to live a happy, fulfilling life, no matter what situation I find myself in. I’ve never traveled outside this country, and one of my dreams is to see the world. Imagine if I let a setback kill that dream, kill my spirit.

I almost let myself be bullied, but I woke up. It feels like that moment when Aang finally outshone Ozai’s power. I’m still here, still fighting, and I’m going to rise like a phoenix🙂‍↕️🌚.